hisf1rstcrush

hisf1rstcrush @ 2006-01-03T00:01:00

2006-01-03T05:01:35Z

new lj.

lol

i love

2005-12-02T19:01:45Z

my life.
like whoahwhoahwwoahwoahowho

i just wish people stopped revolving their lives around what IIIIII do & do sometinb productive with themselves.

grosossssss

i dont like anyone, like boy-wise i mean.

it rules.

SIU TIME BABY.

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-11-08T16:53:00

2005-11-08T23:54:13Z

whoah. i dont even remember updating.

like that last entry, i dont remember writing that.
wtf.

so like, my weekend

2005-11-01T13:27:21Z

lol.

just lol.

it started out in fair lawn nj dressed as a german bar maid.

it was me ashley caroline nicole joe and jon.
we were in search of a party, and we were going to find one if it was the last thing we did.

we went back to jons house where joe ingested a large amount of allergy medication. he was basically dead. so then we drove him home.

it was down to me nicole caroline ashley and jon.

we peed in some woods, got some cigarettes and we were good to go.
nicole as a nurse, caroline as a school girl ashley as wonder woman, and i as a german bar maid got back into the honda civic and we were determined to find a party.

so. we end up in new brunswick.
dont ask me how or why.
but we do.
then nicoles mom found out.
& jon was doin his own thing.
so it ended up being me ashley & caroline stranded in new brunswick.
there were a lot of nice people there. a lot of nice drunk people there.
very drunk, but also nice.

but we needed a ride to milford nj about 45 minutes towards PA.
so we founda kinda sober guy.
who drove us there.
thank god.

so we got to bumblefuck at 4 AM and found a place tosleep.
but wait
we didnt sleep
we did shots
and went to the playground at 730.
i ate cold pizza.

i was still in uniform.

around 1030 our love jon came and picked us up.

i love him.
i love him.
he literally saved our life.

happy motherfucking birthday jonathan perrelly.

for real.
i love my life.

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-10-19T19:47:00

2005-10-20T01:47:47Z

i have such a fucking good life.
like.
wow.
wow.
wow.
its great.
i'm so happy.

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-10-02T17:23:00

2005-10-02T21:23:16Z

i love my friends.

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-09-20T04:01:00

2005-09-20T11:02:05Z

so like
my "friends"
really actually admitted to not caring.
i'm just there for cheap thrills and comic relief.

thanks fags.

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-09-14T20:16:00

2005-09-15T02:19:46Z

i've been thinking.

i'm tired of everyones bullshit.
it would be cool to meet a real person for once.
i fucking hate morristown
basically because everyone here is fake and its just lie after lie
and backstabbing central.

i mean, i have my few friends who i trust, but who knows what they say about me behind my back.

i dont even wanna know.

oh and the funny thing is, that i'm the only actual honest fucking person in my whole school and people take my honesty as arrogance or something and it makes me so jakhsdkjasdh.

sorry if i actually tell you what you dont wanna hear.
jkahkasjd. hi teen angst.

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-09-10T16:06:00

2005-09-10T22:07:34Z

okay ihate school so much

oh and yesterday was weird. but in a good way. like in a way that like, it started off amazing then just got weird.

but i was cruunk so who cares.

oh and i love niki moshqueen kt chelsea mari bu & rockstar.

the end.

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-09-06T22:15:00

2005-09-07T05:20:34Z

well.

okay the wake was today for my grandpa.

it was more than just a wake though. my dads side of the family is pretty big, its my dad, my uncle greg, uncle chris, aunt jean & aunt joan.

My two uncles have been fighting since highschool & my uncle chris kinda left the family and didnt really talk to any of us except my dad who tried to be the peace maker or whatever.

i dont even know what they were fighting about, some stupid thing.

but the point is, my uncle chris like, left the family and wouldnt talk to us. but today, he came to the funeral.

and everyone was like WHAT. and my grandma started crying and was like angry that he came.

it got me so upset.

how can anyone be that selfish to where they wont speak to their own son?
eventually they spoke and i guess every ones cool with each other.. but who knows.

i'm trying to say that its awful that the death of my grandpa was what made them all come together again. & they're still not over there petty differences. My uncle chris feels awful for not being there when my grandpa was sick.

its basically like danny from the real world, only with like 40 year old guys and fighting.

but yeah.

dont be mean to the ones you care about cause you never know when they're gonna leave.

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-09-05T20:04:00

2005-09-06T02:06:41Z

this is the worst birthday i've ever experienced.

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-09-02T11:08:00

2005-09-02T17:09:11Z

my pop pop died last night. i've never seen my dad such a mess. he's my best friend and it kills me to see him like this. i love him. this weekend my birthday, and i'm spending it at wakes and funerals. honestly, this has been the hardest past few weeks. i dont know what to do. no ones throwing me a party. i've always wanted a suprise party. oh i'm just lost.

her space holiday is my new favorite band. besides the li3.

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-08-29T14:35:00

2005-08-29T20:41:16Z

i was reading through this journal and i've changed a whole lot. i used to be so happy and boring. now i'm.. not happy and fun? hm. i still dont know if thats a good thing. i used to think i was so fucking tough, and then adam dicked me over like 5 times and i did nothing. i was such a little fucking i dont even know. no wonder all of my "friends" ditched me. or actually, i ditched them. i thought i was so tough, and so fucking cool so i got new friends. too bad none of them live by me or go to my school for that matter. but whatever i'm happy with who i am and shit. this is a lame entry.

i want to do something.

my mom wont throw me a sweet 16 cause she's too "busy". that got me so fucking mad.
but yeah.

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-08-28T22:26:00

2005-08-29T04:27:12Z

i have no life. but i swear theres a story behind this.

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-07-05T22:00:00

2005-07-06T01:01:46Z

as of sunday i will be at camp for a month.

yeah.

a month.

write to me.

mary ducey
camp speers-eljabar
RR1 Box 89
Dingmans Ferry, PA 18328

dont forget.

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-06-18T23:45:00

2005-06-19T02:45:50Z

my dad got in a car crash.
my weekends kinda gonna suck.
but yesterday was spent with the love of my life. <3

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-06-11T21:17:00

2005-06-12T04:22:29Z

this weekend.

was amazing. i went to he is legend on friday, huge disapointment. they played like 4 songs. and then when i saw sonny moore, it was the biggest disapointment as well. he was so fucking short. and under my boobs. like he came on stage and i was like WTF WHERE IS HE. WHY ISNT HE ON STAGE? but he was. he's just too small to see. then me, caroline, amanda, frances, and louie went to IHOP.

oh it was splendid.
and my mom didnt even notice!

oh i'm slick.

minus the fact that she did notice today. and she also came in my room today and was like

I HAD A NIGHTMARE THAT YOU WENT TO NYC AND GOT TATOOED AND PIERCED.

ironic that thats what i did today? yeah. she knows.

i was gonna get a tatoo, but i couldnt decide, and since my mom made me take out my lip ring, i just got that redone with a post so i can just undo the ball and no one will see it!

again.
i'm slick.

and tomorrow i was going to see mother fucking rich but no. i get to go to a graduation party instead. how lovely. minus the lovely part. gah. it ruined my weekend.

kasjd.
kjasdfjskdfhsdkfj.
<333

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-06-09T17:46:00

2005-06-09T20:44:55Z

in gym i look like this;

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-06-07T17:48:00

2005-06-07T20:48:52Z

AH I LOVE MY LIFE.
LOLOL.

HE IS LEGEND ON FRIDAY.
THATS WHATS REALLY GOOD.

& ADAMS SO FUCKING STUPID. LOL.
I LOVE IT.
HE CAN TOTALLY CHOKE<3

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-06-06T18:34:00

2005-06-06T21:38:54Z

LOLOL
LOOK

stfu SKANKFACE: hey this is mary, adams whatever.. what is going on with this whole chloe thing. i dont understand.
MaxKorn0: What do you mean?
stfu SKANKFACE: ...
MaxKorn0: They're going out.
stfu SKANKFACE: didnt you ask adam to ask chloe out
MaxKorn0: I introduced them to each other, but I didn't ask him to ask her out.
stfu SKANKFACE: wait is this adam tucker?
MaxKorn0: Yeah.
stfu SKANKFACE: yeah.
stfu SKANKFACE: adam told me that you and chloe used to date, and that chloe was annoying you so you asked him to ask her out to get her off your back. but the funny thing is, that he never broke up with me.
stfu SKANKFACE: was he lying?
MaxKorn0: Yeah. 1) Chloe and I never went out.
2) I didn't say she was annoying nor did I ask him to ask her out.
stfu SKANKFACE: wow.
MaxKorn0: There you go.
stfu SKANKFACE: you know he calls me everynight and tells me that i'm his only girl?
stfu SKANKFACE: and that he's gonna end it with chloe soon..?
stfu SKANKFACE: i hate him now.
MaxKorn0: I wouldn't be surprised if he ends it with her soon. But I didn't know that first part.
MaxKorn0: You know he's also been hooking up with our friend Michelle for a couple weeks? She found out about Chloe and got mad at him, but he still denies that he's going out with anybody.
stfu SKANKFACE: wow.
stfu SKANKFACE: he told me that he never hooked up with her.
MaxKorn0: Nope.
stfu SKANKFACE: wow.
MaxKorn0: That's what I know.
stfu SKANKFACE: you know that he's my "boyfriend"
stfu SKANKFACE: right? lol
stfu SKANKFACE: i mean, not really anymore..
stfu SKANKFACE: cause i'm going to dump him.
MaxKorn0: I don't really know anything anymore.
MaxKorn0: But yeah, good luck with that.
stfu SKANKFACE: but yeah, punch him inthe face for me. lol.
stfu SKANKFACE: and try to talk to chloe out of dating him, he's a cheater. lol
MaxKorn0: Alright, I will lol
stfu SKANKFACE: thanks<3
MaxKorn0: No problemo.

HAHA. I WAS CHEATED ON.
MINUS THE FACT THAT I WAS CHEATING ON HIM.
SO BOO YA.

cept i wasnt really cheating on him, since we werent like together. you know? well, i hope he chokes. <3

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-06-05T02:28:00

2005-06-05T05:29:59Z

DA EXGIRLF ALWAYZ WINZ. SRRY<3

LOLOL

I PIERCED IT.

BUT JOE SAYS IT LOOKS FAKE. WHICH KINDA MAKES ME MAD AND STUFF. CAUSE IT HURT AND STUFF WHEN I DID IT.

it was pretty okay. i didnt go with anyone, but i met people. and it was nice<3

I LOVE MY LIFE.

suck on my finger tips until you kill all my prints, so your girlfriend has no clue of how much ive been touching you. ADAM. I. LOVE. YOU. <3

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-06-03T18:18:00

2005-06-03T21:20:02Z

My heart was bleeding from so much grieving On the outside I looked fine, you couldn't tell but on the inside was eternal hell I got caught up in the moment of depression, and before I knew it my bodywas lying on the ground With a gun in my hand my hourglass was out of sand Thanks to all the people who drove me to death Without you I could of never ended my breath </3 i hate guyz. but this made me lol holdxontightly: are you going to hook up with him? stfu SKANKFACE: nah, he's like in love with her. i dont want to do that to either one of them holdxontightly: mary, that's like the nicest thing i've ever heard you say in my life LOL

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-06-02T18:13:00

2005-06-02T21:14:52Z

NO ONE LEAVES ME COMMENTS ANYMORE.
YOU SUCK
JK.
KINDA.

TOMORROW
TOMORROW
TOMORROW

CONNOR IS SHOVING A METAL ROD THROUGH MY LIP<3

IT SHOULD BE INTERESTING SINCE

1. HE DOESNT KNOW HOW
2. I HAVE TO HIDE IT
3. I DONT HAVE AN EARRING

BUT THERES NOTHING BETTER TO DO.

OH PS.

LOOK HOW CUTE I AM;

PS. I'M IN LOVE WITH THE ANONYMOUS COMMENT I GOT ON THIS ENTRY<3

THANKS GIRL!

I AM PRETTY FUCKING GORGEOUS.
NO JAY KAYZZ NECESSARY

DIE ♥

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-06-02T00:40:00

2005-06-02T03:52:48Z

EVERYTHINGS SO STUPID AND POINTLESS. I USED TO THINK THAT EVERYONE WAS PUT ON EARTH FOR A REASON AND HAD A PURPOSE. WHAT WAS I THINKING. I DONT HAVE A PURPOSE, I WISH I DID. IF I DO, I CERTAINLY DON'T KNOW IT YET. WHAT CAN I CONTRIBUTE TO THE WORLD? NOTHING. I WANT TO DO SOMETHING BIG. I WANT TO HELP PEOPLE OR WRITE A NOVEL OR DO SOMETHING. I WANT TO GO TO ART SCHOOL. MY MOM WONT LET ME. SHE SAYS I'LL NEVER MAKE ANYTHING OUT OF MYSELF IF I DO THAT. ITS WHAT SHE DID..? I DONT UNDERSTAND. I'M JUST MAD AT THE WORLD RIGHT NOW CAUSE I WAS JUST NOTIFIED OF SOME OF THE MOST HORRIBLE NEWS EVER.

EVERYTIME I FIND SOMEONE I CARE ABOUT I LOSE THEM. ALWAYS. I MEAN DUH. I'M SINGLE ARENT I? THE ONLY PERSON WHO HASNT LEFT ME IS CAROLINE AND MY DAD [AWWWW]. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF. WHEN SOMEONE HURTS SOMEONE THAT I CARE ABOUT, I JUST LOSE IT. AND IN THIS CASE, THERES NOTHING I CAN DO.

THERE'S BEEN ONE BOY THAT I HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN IN LOVE WITH. I MEAN, I'M NOT TOO SURE WHAT LOVE IS, BUT I KNOW THERES SOMETHING SPECIAL WHEN I'M WITH HIM. ITS RUINED NOW. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT. I CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I WANT TO SAVE HIM. [LIKE THAT SOMETHING CORPORATE SONG LOL] AND I WANT TO HELP HIM DO SOMETHING WITH HIS LIFE AND BECOME WHAT HE WANTS, AND FUFILL ALL HIS DREAMS. I WANT TO BE THE PERFECT GIRLF OR EVEN JUST FRIEND OR WHATEVER I AM TO HIM. I JUST WANT TO MAKE HIM HAPPY.

HE SAYS I DO, BUT I KNOW I COULD DO SO MUCH MORE. ITS NOT FAIR TO EITHER ONE OF US. BOTH OF US TRY SO HARD, BUT THEN MAKE STUPID MISTAKES. MAYBE ITS CAUSE I'M 15, AND SEVERELY IMMATURE. THATS PROBABLY IT.

I WANT TO TAKE CHANCES AND HAVE FUN, I MEAN I'M 15, WHY SHOULD I BE TIED DOWN TO HIM RIGHT? BUT I CARE ABOUT HIM SO MUCH. SOOO MUCH. AND I JUST WANT TO BE THERE FOR HIM.

WE'VE BOTH HURT EACH OTHER SO MUCH, BUT IT ALWAYS COMES BACK TO HOW WE LOVE EACH OTHER AND WANT TO MAKE IT WORK. BUT I JUST DONT KNOW RIGHT NOW.

HOW CAN I HELP SOMEONE FUFILL EVERYTHNG THEY'VE WANTED WHEN I'M JUST SOME 15 YEAR OLD WHO HAS NO IDEA WHAT SHE WANTS IN LIFE? I WANT SOMEONE HERE FOR ME. TO HELP ME BECOME SOMETHING, TO HELP ME DO SOMETHING. CAUSE AS OF RIGHT NOW, ITS ALL JUST FUN, AND YOUNG LOVE AND LAUGHS AND KISSES, AND ALL THAT STUFF.

BUT I NEED TO START THINKING ABOUT MY FUTURE, AND WHERE I WANT TO BE AND WHO I WANT TO BECOME, CAUSE IN ALL HONESTY, I HAVE NO IDEA.

I KNOW I COME OFF AS THIS OVERBEARING, IMPERIOUS PERSON WHO SEEMS SO DETERMINED AND TOUGH, BUT IN REALITY ITS JUST A COVER TO HIDE HOW I HAVE NO CLUE WHATS GOING ON IN MY LIFE.

I'M JUST CONFUSED AS OF NOW
AND IF SOMEONE COULD PLEASE JUST GIVE ME ALL THE ANSWERS TO LIFE AND ALL, THAT WOULD BE SWEET.

IF YOU READ ALL THIS, I'LL GIVE YOU HEAD, CAUSE ITS MAD LONG. UNLESS YOUR A GIRL.

BYE<3

hisf1rstcrush @ 2005-06-01T07:29:00

2005-06-01T10:29:14Z

i miss caroline.
this weekend will be fun.
merri's coming to a show with me.
we're teaching her how to mosh.

FSDKJFHSJKD.
me and nicoles sweet sixteen is going to be crazy. so come. and be excited.

<3

&&&&& CONNORS PIERCING MY LIP ON FRIDAY.

halla.